I look better un-naked...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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