i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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