i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
