Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
