Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Four minutes until I can fart!
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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