No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
