you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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