??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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