Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
