He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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