The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
