How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
