fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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