Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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