her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
