haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You dont lie about slip and slides
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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