I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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