Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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