i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
