If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
