Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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