College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
