So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
