somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
