Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
