What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
