You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
