You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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