Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
