there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
