went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
And then my night got REAL pukey
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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