everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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