Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
