Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
