i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
