Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
