imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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