Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
