5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We're too hungover to prance.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
