So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need to align my fucking chakras
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