He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
