he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
