you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just blew my weed a kiss
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
