I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
