new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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