My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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