Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
