apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
