I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
