Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
