I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
