I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
