I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
