That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
