Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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