and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
