I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
